It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you.
Like this if you like to like things.
If people are trying to bring you down it only means that you are above them.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
I once prayed to god for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.
I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.